Monday, July 23, 2007 ; 15:02Y
time-out
i've realized something which i dun wanna noe after all... am i jus a puppet in others' life????? all i wan is very simple... i jus wanna be wif the gal i love n carry on playing ball til the day i dropped dead... is it too much tat i've asked for???
y should there be tons n tons of problems ever since she opted out... everything is in a mess since then... depression for quite sometimes... financial problems, family dispute, friends' problem n health concern... i seriously think tat as a guy i had my responsibility to stay positive even if all things go the wrong way... but i dun noe how long can i suppressed all tis pressure... deep in me i'm really lost in the cross junction in my life... trying very hard now to pick myself up...
am i a player like wat others n friends around me label me? i dun care the bit in the past... people's feelings changed when they grow older n encountered more things... i totally dun noe wat is love at the moment... isn't love abt sweet n happy thingy? but so far all my guts feelings for those gal whom i have been wif have brought me nothing close to happiness... is all abt cuts n pains...
recently been super emotional... can't focus doing anything except when i'm playing my ball game... cos on the court i had no time to think abt wat's happening except to figure out how to go past my defender... listening to sentimentals songs too... although it make me more vexed instead...
the biggest problem abt me in relationship is when i really fall for someone i will be totally engross in it... no matter if we r together anot i will tried to give her my all... even if they have got a new relationship wif some other guys i will still be there for them... up to date those who have leave their traces in my heart r jiaxin, candy n the most recent one... i guess i must have been stupid to believe tat times will prove anything... i'm fucking stupid to actually believe in it... cos thru my past waiting will get u no where except in a pool of distress n bloods...
love is jus like a double sided sharp blade which can cut u into pieces at the slightest touch at it... but all the bits n pieces will slowly torturing n draining u til u dropped dead... life isn't a bed of roses... it's a bed of razors... feel the coldness n cruelity of tis fucking true world... tat's life... either u moved on after every failed relationship or simply hold on n stay stagnant there til times run n people pay their last respect to u...
为什么女人总喜欢说这些话???
1)
分手后还可以做朋友
2) 忘了我从此不要再联络
3) 你会找到另一个比我更好的女人
do gals really think tat by saying all these will make tat person more happy n lessen their pains... come on these r all but excuses to make urself feel better...
分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多还不准我难过
不知道是为了什么
还要把你无力的爱记得那么多
怎么放手
也许上天安排你我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果
你留下泛黄的承诺
要我抱着你的双手流着泪不准你走
说我贱也无话可说
连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
要我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错
连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体就已经太执着
爱你是我错连结束也是我的错
my alarm is ringing le... time for me to wake up n stop completely to believe in true love anymore... there will never be true love ard in tis world but if u had really found it please kindly hold on n protect it... dun let exterior circumstances come in n destroyed it... there will always be temptations ard every now n then... it depends on how we say no to all the temptations...
things have been happening ard me yet i choose to close myself to tis cold world... is there any warmth in tis fucking globe... if anyone noe where is it kindly let me noe... i'll appreciate it alot... losing trust in watever u do n losing trust in all those ard u will make u suffer like never before... although nothing can compare to the hurts the one u love bring to u... especially when u decide to forsake ur own life for hers n do everything wif her in ur mind placing her in ur first priority... imagine tat hurt n how pain is going to be...
is there any chances tat i will walked into someone life's in an immediate hit... tat tat person can't live on without me... i'm too tired n hurt to look for happiness now... watever should come will come... wat is love all abt... now i noe at least in ur view... love is abt chemistry n except tat nothing comes into places... sincerity how do u prove it? by doing something which the person likes or do it the way u think which best describe ur sincerity... different ppl have different ways of showing... be it is love, sincerity, care n concern or even the way to carry themselves in front of others... but who cares!!! as long as it's no according to the way they wan it to be it is not the one or thing they r searching high n low for... jus tat simple...
but rite up to today i've never regretted for even the slightest second tat i've love the wrong person... n watever shit to her tat i've done for her... maybe i should start learning how to toy wif others' feelings... be a real player n play for as long as i like it... but tat's jus not me... contradicting rite... is always the emotionals tat get the better of intellectual in me...
